you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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