I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
