cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
