THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
