Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
