mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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