Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize