i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
