i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
