so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
