yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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