I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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