Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
