I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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