I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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