I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
