and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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