Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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