i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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