im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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