and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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