Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
