i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
