turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
