I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
