i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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