i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
