Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
