does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
