with your own penis?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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