i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just gargled with NyQuil
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
