ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
