2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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