I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
