How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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