just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
