Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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