Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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