she woke up with a sticky ear
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
