I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
