i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
