I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
