My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
