I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
