hotel room ftw
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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