I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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