Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
