It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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