Non-Jews are for practice
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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