He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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