Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
