you traded sex for a burrito?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
