I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize