I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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