Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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