apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
