Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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