So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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