I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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