i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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