If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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