watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize