I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
