'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
