Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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