so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this will be a night to untag.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
