My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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