I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
