you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
