She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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