just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize