Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How naked do you want me to be?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize