I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
