and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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