I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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