Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
