I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
