I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
