He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize