Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
