This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
