hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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