I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
