Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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