So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
