He is an equal opportunity slut.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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