why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
