My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize