whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
