i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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