This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
