She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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