she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
try to milk me bitch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
